Ah to Tell a Tale...

Well, I have decided to take up the many suggestions of writing down all the crazy things Emelia says and does, but am adding a modern twist on the paper part...this lovely little blog will act as my journal. That way if I am ever asked to write a best-selling book based off of her rants I will have it all right here, safe and sound from the destruction little hands could cause to a real piece of paper. I promise that the tales I have to tell are not made up or embellished; this is really what I hear on an almost daily basis and how my days are truly spent.

Cotton Balls

So the baby gate to the upstairs is mistakenly left open and I hear Emelia running around upstairs laughing. As I walk into Alice's nursery I find Emelia tossing cotton balls in the air, yelling, "It's snowing, it's snowing". She turns to me, holds one up, and proudly proclaims, "I found snowballs mommy" :)

Butter

Just walked into the kitchen to find Emelia eating a stick of butter...the only words she could spit out of her butter-filled mouth were, "Tasty, I love butter mommy"

Scaling

So I found Emelia standing on top of her dresser this morning. When asked how she got there she was able to reenact...I watched her carry her Diaper Genie pail over to the dresser, jump on top of the pail and balance like a crane, and then scale the side of the dresser like a professional rock climber...what 2 year old does this?!

Boobs

My conversation with Emelia when Alice woke up this morning...I tell her I am going upstairs to get Alice and she tells me, "No, I want to get Alice. " I inform her that I have to get her so she can eat....she responds with, "I nurse Alice. You (pointing to me) are Emelia, I am mommy. You have little boobs, I (pointing at her chest) have big boobs."

Boobs

My conversation with Emelia when Alice woke up this morning...I tell her I am going upstairs to get Alice and she tells me, "No, I want to get Alice. " I inform her that I have to get her so she can eat....she responds with, "I nurse Alice. You (pointing to me) are Emelia, I am mommy. You have little boobs, I (pointing at her chest) have big boobs."

Shoplifting

Emelia strikes again...this time almost making me a convicted shoplifter: we are walking out of the gap and I am lucky enough to look down and see about 15 body sprays under a jacket in the lower basket of the stroller...she is now adding magician to her resume

Mini Oreos...not as great as one would think

One would think mini Oreo's used to thwart a hunger tantrum because the store was out of the promised gummy bunnies would be helpful on the ride home...mini, in a portable container that is perfect for the car, and delicious...I could not have been more wrong.

Emelia's long and sassy hair tends to hang out around her mouth and slowly work its way in, whether she is watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with her jaw hanging open or chewing food...enter Oreo disaster.

I hand over the Oreos in their cute little package and Emelia squeals with delight. I think to myself, "Nice work. You avoided a tantrum at the grocery store! Note to self, never promise gummy bunnies unless you KNOW they sell them at the store you are going to". I buckle up and begin driving. I few miles down the road we get onto the highway. As I merge I take a peek in the rear view mirror since it is suspiciously quiet back there. I am horrified to see a wad of hair intermingling with chewed mini Oreos and forming a paste that looks like what can only be described as cat vomit. GAG! And I am powerless to do anything, well almost anything. I talk sweetly, I yell, I bribe; all in an attempt to either get the Oreos or get her to stop chewing them. Regardless I know it is has to be a bath night.

Giddy Up

Emelia was reading a book about horses and tells me, "Mommy, I want to ride a horse." She proceeds to place the book on the floor with the horse page open, sits on the book and begins to ride, yelling "Giddy-up!"