An offer he can't refuse

Picture it: Stereotypical old-world Italian music playing in the background. Mr. Matteo Lewisio walks into his bedroom after a long day at work. He kicks off his shoes and unbuttons his shirt. The room is dark, lit only by moonlight from the window. He peels back the covers on his bed and slips into the cool sheets. He turns his head on the pillow and finds himself facing the head of a horse, its black lifeless eyes staring blankly into his. He screams and throws the blankets back...

Well, not really...he actually started laughing hysterically. He turned the light on to discover that Emelia had placed her horse head on a stick on his pillow and had covered "Hank" up to go to sleep. He said he wondered what kind of warning that was meant to be. He swears he never went against the family...ever!

Snow shoes

Emelia got her maryjanes on all by herself today, even getting the feet right. As soon as she slipped on those black velvet janes she began sliding her feet across the floor. She immediately went over and grabbed Alice's matching shoes (yes, you heard it right, they have matching shoes). She started following Alice around and grabbing at her feet. She then started yelling at me, "Put Alice's skis on! Quick, before she falls on the ice!" I quickly obliged. Who wants their daughter to fall on the ice?! :)

Emelia continued to ski around the dining room table, Alice in tow. Emelia seemed very pleased with her and Alice's ski adventure and rapidly spoke about the "wind" and "snow" and "ice" that they came into contact with. The adventure ended with Emelia's favorite game, hot chocolate tea party of course!

BFF's forever...well, at least for another 11 years

Emelia told me I was her "best friend in the whole wide world" this morning. Enter melting heart! I mean, why wouldn't I be her best friend?! I am the only female, besides Alice, she sees everyday; I can decipher her Emelia-ese; she pees in front of me; I wipe her tushie; I feed her; I play with her; I listen to her crazy tales that she tells through "interpretive conversation"; and I make up and sing silly songs with her. Need I go on?

But then I began to think of the relationship from another point of view...she is also one of my best friends! I thought it sounded a little crazy at first but then I began making a list in my head: I see her every day; I tell her things I would never tell anyone else (possibly because she could never reiterate my secrets to anyone...well at least not until recently); she sees me cry about things that I would never let anyone else witness; she cheers me up when I am down; and, for goodness sake, she is one of the only human beings I get to interact with and talk to on a daily basis! Not to mention the fact that we both love to indulge in the occasional hot chocolate and cookie binge.

So we are best friends...at least for another 11 years or so. I will cherish these words forever and cling to them once she realizes I am her uncool mother who embarrasses her and has no idea what life for a teenager is like.

T.P. Tobaggon

We are attempting to let Emelia have free reign of the house so she can choose to potty upstairs or downstairs. She LOVES it! Today I went upstairs and found her in the bathroom...things were very quiet so I just needed to take a peek. There she was, sitting on a trail of toilet paper she had pulled off the roll pretending it was a sled. She saw me and shouted, "This is my trick mommy! I'm sledding!" She jumped onto her T.P. and started making "whooshing" sounds, holding the end of it like a handle bar. She then proceeded to jump off and run right into the window sill. I can only presume she had hit the bottom of her pretend "hill" and wiped out.

No Super Sleuth needed Here!

Lately Emelia's favorite thing to say to me is, "Come on detective, lets look for clues!" Well yesterday an act was committed and there was no sleuthing required to find the culprit...the clues were clear!

My sweet little detective must have been enthralled in the tale of Hansel and Gretel, because she left me a clear trail of number 2 all over our downstairs. Really?! Again?! Well, this time there was already no diaper...potty training has been a hit up until this incident. She has peeing down to a science, requiring no reminders or mommy-led trips to the potty. The big "P" word, though, has been a mystery.

For the first week there was no "P" and we ended up having to give her something so we wouldn't end up with a health issue. She wants to try, and why wouldn't she! She has been bribed up and down with the promise of horses, baby dolls, presents from Aunt Nenny; all for one time in the potty. Still...NOTHING. Which leads to what happened yesterday.

I go up to change Alice's diaper and come down to find the house smelling a little less than fresh. I see Emelia walking around and she makes eye contact. She shouts, "I went!" And then I look down past her face and see she was telling the truth, and the truth was all over my floor, all throughout my downstairs. Another lovely late afternoon spent cleaning up trails of "P"...and by trails I mean it was easily drizzled in a line that distinctly showed me every place she had walked and stopped during my brief time in Alice's nursery.

Good grief! But I remind myself that this may be a small victory. At least she went, and it wasn't in her diaper. Baby steps! Because after all, she is still my little baby!

Mommy, I tooted in my underpants!

Well, potty training season has opened up in the Lewis house...and boy has it been busy. We started it off by going to the store, where Emelia proceeded to pick out her own underwear. Of course while we are in the isle I turn to get Alice some socks and turn back around to find 10 packs of underwear in our cart, with 3 torn open and underwear strewn about. But it was a success none-the-less, and Emelia was super excited about not wearing diapers anymore.

Only two accidents so far and I am chalking this up to the fact that my daughter is apparently a covets candy. The beloved gummy bunnies seem to be like toddler crack to Emelia and the kid is dropping her underpants every couple of minutes and squeezing out a ridiculous amount of pee...seriously, who can pee that much and still have pee coming out! Needless to say we have gone through almost an entire box of gummy bunnies in a 48 hour period; to the point where I have ordered them in bulk through Amazon today. This may help you visualize just how many times she is going just to get candy: she gets 1 gummy bunny when she pees, there are 12 bunnies in a pack, 5 packs in a box, and we only have 5 bunnies left!

At least there is pee in that potty, right?! Now if only we can get some of number 2 to find its way in there...I have a feeling that may take A LOT more gummy bunnies. The closest we have gotten to that is Emelia running into the kitchen and yelling, "Mommy, I tooted in my underpants!"

Ah to Tell a Tale...

Well, I have decided to take up the many suggestions of writing down all the crazy things Emelia says and does, but am adding a modern twist on the paper part...this lovely little blog will act as my journal. That way if I am ever asked to write a best-selling book based off of her rants I will have it all right here, safe and sound from the destruction little hands could cause to a real piece of paper. I promise that the tales I have to tell are not made up or embellished; this is really what I hear on an almost daily basis and how my days are truly spent.

Cotton Balls

So the baby gate to the upstairs is mistakenly left open and I hear Emelia running around upstairs laughing. As I walk into Alice's nursery I find Emelia tossing cotton balls in the air, yelling, "It's snowing, it's snowing". She turns to me, holds one up, and proudly proclaims, "I found snowballs mommy" :)

Butter

Just walked into the kitchen to find Emelia eating a stick of butter...the only words she could spit out of her butter-filled mouth were, "Tasty, I love butter mommy"

Scaling

So I found Emelia standing on top of her dresser this morning. When asked how she got there she was able to reenact...I watched her carry her Diaper Genie pail over to the dresser, jump on top of the pail and balance like a crane, and then scale the side of the dresser like a professional rock climber...what 2 year old does this?!

Boobs

My conversation with Emelia when Alice woke up this morning...I tell her I am going upstairs to get Alice and she tells me, "No, I want to get Alice. " I inform her that I have to get her so she can eat....she responds with, "I nurse Alice. You (pointing to me) are Emelia, I am mommy. You have little boobs, I (pointing at her chest) have big boobs."

Boobs

My conversation with Emelia when Alice woke up this morning...I tell her I am going upstairs to get Alice and she tells me, "No, I want to get Alice. " I inform her that I have to get her so she can eat....she responds with, "I nurse Alice. You (pointing to me) are Emelia, I am mommy. You have little boobs, I (pointing at her chest) have big boobs."

Shoplifting

Emelia strikes again...this time almost making me a convicted shoplifter: we are walking out of the gap and I am lucky enough to look down and see about 15 body sprays under a jacket in the lower basket of the stroller...she is now adding magician to her resume

Mini Oreos...not as great as one would think

One would think mini Oreo's used to thwart a hunger tantrum because the store was out of the promised gummy bunnies would be helpful on the ride home...mini, in a portable container that is perfect for the car, and delicious...I could not have been more wrong.

Emelia's long and sassy hair tends to hang out around her mouth and slowly work its way in, whether she is watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with her jaw hanging open or chewing food...enter Oreo disaster.

I hand over the Oreos in their cute little package and Emelia squeals with delight. I think to myself, "Nice work. You avoided a tantrum at the grocery store! Note to self, never promise gummy bunnies unless you KNOW they sell them at the store you are going to". I buckle up and begin driving. I few miles down the road we get onto the highway. As I merge I take a peek in the rear view mirror since it is suspiciously quiet back there. I am horrified to see a wad of hair intermingling with chewed mini Oreos and forming a paste that looks like what can only be described as cat vomit. GAG! And I am powerless to do anything, well almost anything. I talk sweetly, I yell, I bribe; all in an attempt to either get the Oreos or get her to stop chewing them. Regardless I know it is has to be a bath night.

Giddy Up

Emelia was reading a book about horses and tells me, "Mommy, I want to ride a horse." She proceeds to place the book on the floor with the horse page open, sits on the book and begins to ride, yelling "Giddy-up!"